I'm hoping that this can be an outlet for me to put my crazy thoughts down on virtual paper.
The Hubby and I are trying to start our family and it's been a rocky start to say the least. So I'll dedicate my first post to giving the back story.
On March 12th 2008 we got the best news. We were PREGNANT after only 3 months of trying! Could hardly contain our joy. We sailed through the first trimester and after our 12 week ultrasound reality struck. We were having this baby.
Then here's what happened...
On the morning of June 11,2008 I noticed some bleeding and thought it best to go to the emergency department to get it checked out. I’m fully aware that these things can be normal so I thought this would be a minor inconvenience. Eric and I arrived at the WGH Emergency around 11 am. The triage nurse was really great, very friendly and tried to keep me calm. We were escorted to a room about an hour later. We didn’t wait long for the Dr and she too was very friendly and receptive to us. After some routine questions she got out the Doppler and right away found a very strong, lively heartbeat – we breathed a sigh of relief – our Little Monkey was safe and sound, at least we thought. She moved to do an internal exam and noticed the bleeding that I had spoken of and didn’t seem too concerned until she did a more thorough exam and then the words I’ll never forget “There is something wrong with the pregnancy. You have dilated to 4cm and your membranes are bulging through the cervix – I don’t think this will be a viable pregnancy. I’m so sorry” In that sentence our world has come crashing down.
We met with the obstetrician on call who confirmed to us that I indeed for some unknown reason had started to dilate to the point where there was nothing that could be done to stop it – today would be our Monkeys birthday and at only 16 weeks 6 days they would not be able to survive. I was going to deliver this baby as it was the safest way to do so.
I was moved upstairs around 2pm and was left in the care of R.N’s who were wonderful and if at all possible truly helped us through and showed the most genuine compassion I’ve ever seen from any human beings. At about 2:45 the contractions started and at about 4:55 my water broke and labor intensified. At 6 I could feel the pressure and was ready to push and one very small push later, at 6:02 our beautiful baby boy Benjamin Paul R was born. He was the most beautiful baby I had ever seen, just slightly bigger than one of my hands. They wrapped him up and we were left alone to hold him and take him all in – it was the most bittersweet hour and a half and I will never ever forget his incredible little face. He was long and broad shouldered just like his daddy with the biggest hands and feet I’d ever seen! 10 fingers and 10 toes – absolute perfection
Unfortunately all of the placenta did not deliver on its own and I was taken for surgery which went well. Dr expects a speedy full recovery, physically. Emotionally – this will never heal.
I have since been diagnosed with a Classic Incompetent Cervix. We're trying for another baby but it is a work in progress. So you'll get to hear my trials and tribulations as we hope for another little one who makes it safely to us this time.
If you have made it this far - go get yourself a cookie!
